ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My vagina is officially offended.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
