Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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