I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
