i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
