even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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