She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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