do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
