and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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