Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
