I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
