It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
