when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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