who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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