he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize