I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
