She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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