Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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