I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
