It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
