that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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