i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
