There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
