Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
