FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
