just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
