I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
