I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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