OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
