How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
