I want to make a zoo with you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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