the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
