Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
