I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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