someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
