A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
