Four minutes until I can fart!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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