Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
