i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
