I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize