This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
