My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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