So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
