I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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