Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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