You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I love you.
Bad choice
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
