Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
