Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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