She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize