Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
