You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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