Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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