Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
