the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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