He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize