If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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