Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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