he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
stop calling my apartment porn island.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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