i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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