Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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