is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
