I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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