I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
