If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
