I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
