I heard we made out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
