a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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