this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
