so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
