quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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