this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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